wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
