She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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