Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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