i don't like sucking hair
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
