dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
