My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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