overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
