not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
