In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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