we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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