Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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