i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
