o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
nutella sex= disaster
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
