just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
