May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
