i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
