Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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