he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
