I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
