they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Come on in and take your pants off
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