I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Randomize
