2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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