We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
