I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
