he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We are two peas in an std pod
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
