Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
