Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
