The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
