Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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