a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I did not marry a roomba.
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