If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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