Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
