Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
