Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
