Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
babies were throwing up all over the place
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
