I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
