omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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