I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
