There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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