I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Only a mothe r could love this liver
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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