that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
