I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
