I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
