Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
