Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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