Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
