why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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