worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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