HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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