She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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