my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
