Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You are the jesus of drinking
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
